Line Jumpers

We all appreciate an efficient, organized, and FAIR line system right?

When you're at Walmart and need to check out, you expect to stand behind someone, who is standing behind someone else, and you will each get your turn at the register- in due time.

When you are in line for a ride at Disney World and it's July and 101 degrees those around you had better respect The Line and not join their friends at the front. ;-)

When you're at the deli counter, diligently keeping track of your little numbered stub so you can prove when it's your turn, Joe Schmo better think twice before he tries to lie about his number. ;-)

Lines= efficient, organized, fair

Of course not every line runs like a well oiled machine and there are times when order is replaced with chaos . There are those with "only child syndrome", self entitlement issues or just all around lack of manners and they feel it's okay to hop in front of you.

I call them Line Jumpers!!!!!

What do you do though when the line jumper is your friend? And the "line" is pregnancy?

That's a toughie.

I think most people value fairness and it just doesn't seem fair to see someone- anyone- get pregnant quicker, faster, or sooner than you. If someone has not yet had a baby they should automatically get front of the line priviledges. If someone's youngest child has not been outside the womb longer than they were in it... they should kindly offer to bring up the caboose. If someone has been struggling, been given bad odds, or suffered a loss shouldn't their wait be shortened?

This was a huuuuuuuuge issue for me when I started "trying" for my second pregnancy.

One of my very best friends had been trying for several months (after a loss) and when we decided to start trying I was terrified of becoming pregnant before her. It just didn't seem... fair. She'd been waiting so long I almost felt that I should wait until she was happily pregnant to even try. But of course you can't live your life dependent on others' situations and their struggles to get pregnant should not dampen your joy for your own pregnancy.

When I ended up conceiving quickly and easily I struggled with how to tell her. I knew I wanted to respect our friendship and special bond by telling her right away but I also wanted to do it gently. I knew the line had been jumped and I was the line jumper. :-(

Today I find myself in those shoes she wore many months ago. I sit here with an empty womb while those around me, who have not been in line as long as me, are having children knit in them.

A different friend has announced a new pregnancy- unexpected, "unplanned", and on the heels of her daughter's birth just months ago. It doesn't seem fair. Her email message with exclamation marks and smiley faces- honestly?- made me cringe.

Soooo unfair. She knew I was trying... she knew I had just lost a baby... she just had one! How dare she have another one already?!?!... it's not her turn!!!

That might sound awful but I promised to be real on here and that is how I felt... initially.

It took me a few hours to swallow my pride, lick my wounds, and type a happy- yet still reserved for my normal self- congratulatory email.

I have yet to hear back from her and I'm not sure I will. She did her "deed"- informing me before the massive Facebook status message announcement- and now she gets to go on her merry pregnant way and enjoy her countdown to D Day (delivery day). I know it must be hard for her to navigate the murky waters of friendship with someone in the "wanters" boat while she's on the "haver's" party ship. It's hard for me, too.

There's no guidebook on how to handle these awkward, sometimes painful situations but I know this: I want to be happy for her. I want to be excited for her. On a certain level I am. I know in my head she's done nothing wrong but in my heart.... I am still struggling.

This is just the plain honest truth.

I know I don't have to write it out and I certainly don't have to publish it but I feel like it's important. I am on a journey of trying to conceive, after a loss, and this is part of it. The road is not clear and easy. There are ups and downs, debris, hazards, and uncertainty but I do know one thing.

I know Jeremiah 29:11 to be true... my God has a plan for me! Plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future. My future might include another pregnancy... it might not. I need to remember that and not be jealous or anxious when others are blessed. I need to wait my turn and rejoice with them. Their little one is fearfully and wonderfully made!!!! How dare I be upset about that...

I wish there was a way to avoid line jumping but you know what? There really is no such thing. Life is not fair... it just feels like it should be. I am going to try to remember that as her pregnancy continues and others line jump in front of me.

Ladies, I pray you are staying strong in the Lord and keeping the faith and hope that He will one day knit in you. I pray you get to the front of the line REAL SOON but in case of line jumpers, watch your toes!!!!!

--Hope